The top 10 reasons the people responsible for Building 86 should be glad Jews don't believe there's a Hell

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2013/01/22 12:00 +01:00, original URI:

Our group moved to Building 86 while I was out breaking my hip late last year.

This was not a good move.

So here sits my immediate list of reasons for why I think this....

Reason #10: I think they actually fired us!

I think we were actually fired late last year.

Some Exec said "Those localizers? Let's 86 'em all!"

The vendor given the task (who himself saw his contract being cut short by that same Exec) decided to strategically misunderstand the Exec.

And he moved us to Building 86, instead.

Now, in the true spirit of Office Space, due to a glitch in the payroll system, we are all stil being paid.

However, I fully expect them to "fix the glitch" at some point....

 Reason #09: Wheelchair vans won't pick up from the 86 North Entrance!

This is of course the only entrance to the building with lving, breathing receptionists.

Now it is true that some of the larger Connect vehicles can't fit there comfortably.

But the 50*, 63*, and 64* vehicles whose fewer than 10 of the 300 vehicles that make up the ADA approved method of wheelchair vehicles can all fit there comfortably.

This is not the fault of the drivers, who clearly know their vehicles.

It is, however, the fault of the dispatchers, who clearly do not.

The dispatchers require that pickup happen at the 86 West Entrance, which has its own problems that I'll discuss shortly.

Reason #08: Wheelchair vans won't pick up from the 86 North Entrance, either!

For similarly misguided reasons, those Connect dispatchers won't allow ADA approved wheelchair vehicles to drop off there, either.

This issue is slightly offset by the drivers, who as I said know what their vehicles can do.

I guess the Connect dispatchers need a refresher course!

Reason #07: The 86 North Entrance has no ADA aproved entry method!

There are no buttons to facilitate entry to or exit from the reception area.

Similarly, there are no buttons to facilitate entry to or exit from the building proper.

The door is not uncomfortably heavy (unlike other Safeco buildings like 85!) but it is incredibly awkward to navigate when you are in a wheelchair.

Especially if you are carrying something, like a lunch tray!

During working hours, the receptionist can help by either holding the door open that I hand them, or coming out from the desk and holding the door open.

On the bright side, they can at least do that easily enough -- unlike other Safeco buildings like 85!

Reason #06: The 2nd floor of the 86 North Entrance has no live attendant and no ADA-approved entry/exit method!

So, you come into 86 via the North Entrance, say hi to the receptionists, and take the elevator to the 2nd floor.

Perhaps you are going to the cafeteria.

Or perhaps you are coming from the 86 cafeteria with your lunch to take back into your office.

Once agan, the door is not uncomfortably heavy (unlike other Safeco buildings like 85!) but it is incredibly awkward to navigate when you are in a wheelchair.

Especially if you are carrying something, like a lunch tray!

And this time, you have no receptionist to help you. :-(

You are left on your own to navigate the door.

Reason #05: The 86 East Entrance has no live attendant and no ADA appoved entry/exit method!

Now there are ADA-approved buttons to get into and out of the building.

However, there are no such buttons to get into or out of the building proper!

Clearly, somene wants to make it hard to get to my office on the 1st floor of Building 86!

Reason #04: The 86 West Entrance has no live attendant and no ADA approved entry/exit method!

To complete the set, this entrance does indeed have ADA-approved buttons to get into and out of the building.

However, there are no such buttons to get into or out of the building proper!

During working hours, there are usually people there to help, almost more often than any other case thus far.

But as the only door the Connect dispatchers will allow ADA-approved wheelchair shuttles to drop of to or pick up from, the lack is a srious ssue.

Made even more serious because...

 Reason #03: The door between the 86 cafeteria and the 2nd floor of 86 has no ADA appoved entry/exit method!

So, you make it into Building 86 and you are home free, right?

Well, almost.

You are now in the 86 cafeteria.

There is one more door, between the 86 cafeteria and the working portion of Building 86 lacking a live attendant.

Reasonable for such an "internal" door.

Not so reasonable is the lack of an ADA-approved entry or exit method into or out of the working portion of 86.

Especially for the only door approved by Connect dispatchers!

 Reason #02: The previous tenants of 86 should have had to forward their security deposit on leaving (to us!)

The previous tenants of the portion of 86 we moved into must have really enjoyed their time there.

Because they left us with a building that looked like the morning after a huge frat party to move into.

It is not just the security de\posit we earned, but their next year's morale budget should be redirected to our 86 beautifiion needs!

Reason #01: There are no window offices in Building 86!

After being at Microsoft for more than ten years and three pror failed attempts, I finally have enough seniority to have a window office.

Enter the cynic's dream, Building 86: the one without any window offices!

This must have been the building Safeco sent the peolple they didn't like very much....

Our boss, a Senior Director who I believe is a Partner, has nothing more than a view to a window!

What's up with that?

And finally, bonus Reason #00: Buildings 84-86 are not properly handled by Connect!

By established Connect rules and procedures, shuttles dispatched to the Safeco buildings always enter from the North and exit to the South.

Unfortunately, from the point of view of both handicapped people and the ADA-approved shuttles that convey them, this is simply wrong.



It forces the hadicapped to cross the thruway to shelters not properly equipped to handle them.

And it forces ADA-approved wheelchair vans to use lifts with insufficient space.

The fix would be easy: require ADA-approved shuttles traveling to/from buildings 84, 85, and/or 86 to enter from the south, and exit to the north!

Of course, this flies iun the face of established Connect rules and procedures. And thus cannot happen.

It may be fun in idle moments to tell people I will quit the first time these inaccessible doors cause me to spill a food tray.

And it may be amusing to fantasize about the ADA lawsuit involving terrible working conditions and the constructive ternination they engender.

The costs are not trivial: the estimated cost to retrofit ADA accessibility on Building 24 was $150,000 more than five years ago. While fixing the five doors in 86 may qualify them for a volume discount, it can still cost them upwards of 3/4 of a million dollars to fix.

It may be cheaper for Microsoft to settle the lawsuits! :-)

But in truth I like my job, and while they may not think me worth $750,000 to fix Building 86 to be more accessible to me, they may think we worth the ~$600 to move me to a more accessible building like 26 or 9 or the Commons or anywhere else....

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referenced by

2013/09/05 Building 86 is now completely accessible!

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