The shuffle? Be afraid. Be very afraid...

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2008/03/14 03:01 -04:00, original URI: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/michkap/archive/2008/03/14/8195405.aspx

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I was scooting to the store last night and I had my Zune playing in "shuffle" mode, so the songs would be randomly selected from the playlist.

And this wasn't just any playlist. This was my NotJustAngryFemaleSingerSongwriters playlist. There are like at least 500 songs on this list, from anywhere. From everywhere.

The result was the following thirteen songs playing, consecutively:

• Worn Me Down (Rachel Yamagata, from Happenstance) -- She is watching him breaking up with another woman yet again, but she can't keep comforting him so he can go find someone else that she will inevitably be jealous of.
• Umbrella (Dog's Eye View, from Daisy) -- He likes her but she isn't noticing, or maybe she isn't interested. But he still loves her anyway.
• I Know There's a Word (Aimee Mann, from Whatever) -- She thinks she is starting to fall in love with him, but is trying to avoid saying the words because she knows that if saying them is hard that living them is just going to be harder.
• She's So High (Tal Bachman, from Tal Bachman) -- He is smitten by and feeling completely unworthy of her, and even though she is approaching him now he does not know what to do now.
• Would You...? (Touch & Go, from I Find You Very Attractive) -- She likes him, she is nervously trying to tell him. And is trying to get up the nerve to ask asks him "Would you go to bed with me?" but she may not have actually told him out loud....
• For You I Will (Teddy Geiger, Underaged Thinking) -- He wants to tell her how she feels, and this time he has confidence that is going to do it.
• Why Can't I (Liz Phair, from Liz Phair) -- She's involved with someone else, so is he. Yet they are irresistibly drawn to each other and they know it can't be avoided.
• This Kiss (Faith Hill, from Faith) -- She doesn't want to do it because she hates the feeling when it's over, but when he kisses her she knows kissing him back is the only thing she can do.
• Today (Jefferson Airplane, from Surrealistic Pillow) -- They both feel like it is love, it is getting stronger each day.
• Built This Way (Samantha Ronson, from Mean Girls Soundtrack) -- She realizes that she doesn't feel the same way he does. Maybe she is built this way, because he blames her just like all the guys before have. All she can do is start over and try again.
• Linger (The Cranberries, from Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We) -- She still loves him even though he is playing the field now. He still has her heart, but she doesn't have his.
• Daisychains (Youth Group, from Casino Twilight Dogs) -- He is alone now, it is what he asked for when he asked her to leave. But now that she is gone, he misses her.
• Murder She Wrote (Chaka Demus & Pliers, from Tease Me) -- Her beauty may be a bunch of rose, but behind that pretty face is a flirty girl with bad character who runs Tom, Dick, and also Harry. He needs to stay away.

At this point. having watched an entire fictional relationship move from friendship to infatuation to sex to love to realization that it was just infatuation to infidelity to heartbreak to one person thinking the other is completely manipulative, there was only one thing to do.

Turn off the shuffle feature and remember to never, ever turn it on again.

Ever.

This post brought to you by ⧢ (U+29e2, aka SHUFFLE PRODUCT)

Arun Philip on 14 Mar 2008 6:16 AM:

Michael S. Kaplan on 14 Mar 2008 8:38 AM:

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