From the 'Questions that I never imagined I would be asking' file....

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2015/08/18 12:38 +00:00, original URI:

aka How do I get Microsoft to stop paying me my salary?

My career at Microsoft has been colorful, from MSLU as a vendor to MSKLC and World Readiness as an FTE.

When I first moved to Seattle I opened up a business checking account for Trigeminal Software and a personal account for corporate me to pay personal me my salary (this was pre interstate banking rules and pre Microsoft direct deposit so the local account made check deposits easier) at Seafirst Bank, which was acquired by Bank of America, on its road to being TBTF (Too Big To Fail) before the financial meltdown.

Vivid in my memory though is when a teller at Seafirst was horrified at my suggestion that no one should have to show ID to deposit money into my account.

"Do you know the risks you'd be taking?" she asked

Little did I know that almost twenty years later Microsoft would prove how right she was.

But I digress.

I actually ran several v- types as Trigeminal Software employees before I went FTE at end of my 37th contract (for MSLU, the Microsoft Layer for Unicode).

Eventually I went full time, and direct deposited my salary twice a month for years. Which I admit was quite convenient for a long time.

Then after they decided to fold my RIF (Reduction In Force) into the layoffs of 2014 even though I was off on disability at the time? *THAT'S* when things started to get really complicated.

Here is the breakdown of how it was laid out for me in the end.

• the news I can live with is that someone from Microsoft HR looked at the money I was owed for lost & missing stuff and the money for which they were sending me to collections even though they were the ones overpaying me and decided that they kinda cancelled each other out so everything was settled for the sake of closure. I agreed. 2014 tax issues solved, which I could live with.

• the bad news is that the stock options that would have vested in end of August had I not been laid off did not vest since I was in fact laid off and they paid me for the shares last year so they weren't gonna stretch it out two years. Reasonable but annoying, basically bad news.

• the really good news is that since I was deemed permanently disabled a technicality in the Microsoft stock vesting rules causes ALL stocks for ALL years to automatically vest upon the formal separation. Four years instead of one? Cool!

• the WTF news is that the money I was given at the of May and again in the middle of August nominally for unpaid vacation time (different amounts each time) was paid both times. WTF for the 2015 taxes!

Here is point where I present the old meme of Oolong, the rabbit with a pancake atop his head.

Because he is the one who shows up when you have nothing to say.

What CAN I say?f

In truth, I'm honestly worried about the tax implications of trying to explain this for 2015, so I find myself asking the questions that I never thought I'd find myself asking:

How do I get Microsoft to stop paying me my salary now that I have been offically laid off?

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