Being slapped by the hand that feeds you [or at least 60% of you] at Microsoft

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2015/03/13 23:20 +00:00, original URI: http://www.siao2.com/2015/03/13/8770668856267196332.aspx

Today's blog post is not about the previously mentioned attempts of a small but persistent group of accountants at Microsoft who may subconsciously realize that another small group of people at Microsoft may be responsible for overpaying me by three days due to how much they suck at handling basic fractions but who nevertheless psychotically insist on being repaid immediately, since that is more important than anything else going on.

Today's blog post is also not about another larger part of Microsoft [indirectly] agreeing to pay a neurosurgeon to shove a needle ten centimeters into my foramen ovale so that by superheating the needle my trigeminal neuralgia pain could be once again cured. Believe it or not, this situation is more complicated than either of these obscure scenarios of my employer (Microsoft) choosing to stick it to me.

The original source of the situation is from one of the last blog posts that I wrote about gratuitous office moves. The subsequent Microsoft internal conversion led to an overt threat by me to choosing to pay to move everything to a new home office and an overt counteroffer that at the time I found hard to believe. I was basically told that this move (and all subsequent moves, to 9, 26, 86, 25, 86, and 28) would be handled by the "executive packing team".

It is best to think of this as the equivalent of a magic mushroom in the old arcade game Centipede, only better. You are essentially given privileges beyond almost every other full time, agency temp, and contract resource at Microsoft, including:

• they will move refrigerators and such without any snarkiness about whether they should;

• they will schedule a person to come talk to you and find out how you want everything packed;

• they will handle any boxes you have packed already but they assume that anything you have lying around or on the shelves is something for them to pack when the time comes;

• if you have any personal items like signed Miro paintings they will pack them up for your new office;

• any personal items on the shelf like patent cubes/plaques, awards, and trophy copies of software will be packed up and shipped for you;

• VERY IMPORTANT: anything that you indicate that they should unpack for you in that initial meeting will be, just like you ask them to;

• ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: if you ask them to ship any of those ubiquitous Microsoft grey PEDs they will do so as they are, without any of that silly put it all in a new box to be unpacked on the other end;

• although the theoretical "we don't support personal items" may apply, they never stated it and nothing was ever broken or such;

• if anything is amiss after the move, they will promptly come and fix it.

I used to feel self conscious since I am obviously not an executive, but I was assured that they didn't mind. In a world that could involve moving fish tanks without overly traumatizing the fish (THEIR world) my job was almost a day off for them. And I was told more than once that they appreciated the instructions rather than making them read my mind (also a part of THEIR world!).

Now, to contrast all those previous packups with my current situation where I am out on disability for medical reasons (cue evil music here as Microsoft and specifically people working under the instructions and authority of Microsoft Human Resources), they did a halfassed job of packing that led to one damaged patent cube, one damaged patent plaque, one damaged by jelly (!?!) laptop docking station, one damaged frame, one missing PED that contained two older non non-Microsoft Dell laptops, and a somewhat snarky reminder that none of this is supported in a move [or in this case, a move OUT], quoting Microsoft's moving policy from the Microsoft employee handbook, even though they also knew it wasn't technically a move.

I realize that I am medically damaged, out on disability, and only 60% of a full time employee, but is it not the responsibility of anyone from MICROSOFT HUMAN RESOURCES who was at least trying to emulate being helpful to not fail to respond for almost three months despite multiple reminders and then reply so heartlessly when my manager and their manager is on the email?!?

Hubris, thy name is [apparently?] Microsoft Human Resources....

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