Trust issues begin in childhood, or why I didn't become an astronaut

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2012/05/15 06:21 -04:00, original URI:

Trust is hard.

And once lost, it is hard to get back.

For me, it wasn't about the raisins.

I hated 'em, and I stopped trusting cookies sometimes. But I never blamed the people who handed them to me.

And I was raised Jewish, so the Santa thing didn't hit me.

Or the Easter Bunny, for that matter.

Though I grew up in "Catholic Beachwood", so I witnessed some people who hit those issues....

And I always knew the Great Pumpkin was fake.

But the Tooth Fairy debacle?

That was where the wheels started to come off the wagon, for me.

I recall (after losing a bicuspid that I helped out myself once it was loose) overhearing my parents talk about who had money tor my tooth.


But the bigger problem came before that.

And I didn't even know it....

You see, I wanted to be an astronaut.

I was too young to do much to help my resume then, so I did the one thing I knew I could do at that age.

I drank Tang!

I knew astronauts drank it, so I just would make sure to have it be a part of my training.


But then, something unfortunate happened.

I had a coldish kind of thing.

Nothing serious, but I was given Dimetapp.

But I had decided I hated Dimetapp.

My mother had a "brilliant" idea.

She saw me snarfing up Tang like it was going out of style.

My astronaut training program had to stay on track, of course.

So she dosed the Tang with Dimetapp.

Well, perhaps you can guess what happened next.

Tang started tasting really nasty.

Not always, but my young detective mind concluded that the problem was too much Tang!

I realized my dreams of being an astronaut could never be accomplished.

I mean, I couldn't even pass the Tang test! How was I supposed to do all of the other astronaut things?

Suddenly I hated Tang.

I mean really hated Tang.

It wasn't until years later that I learned about the "Dimetapp Roofie" issue.

And how they ruined my dreams of being in space.

Just ruined them.

And caused trust issues! :-(

My other dream, to be a member of The Supremes, also didn't work out. As you probably guessed. But that's a story for another day....

Claudia Lawrence on 15 May 2012 12:57 PM:

"And how they ruined my dreams of being in space."

Far be it from me to blow the tiles off your roofie, Mr. Kaplan, but you are, indeed & in fact, in space.

Van on 15 May 2012 11:26 PM:

Heck, you're even a goddamn bionic man! That's way better than an astronaut!

Pedro Ferreira on 16 May 2012 12:26 AM:

It's 8:25am and I'm reading this before going to work. You just made my day with this post! Thanks :)

Joshua on 22 May 2012 9:29 AM:

Try tang with hot water.

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