♫ And it seems I'm changing, for absolutely nothing will ever be the same as I was today ♫

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2008/02/16 10:01 -05:00, original URI: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/michkap/archive/2008/02/16/7593530.aspx

I had a friend tell me the other day (after watching a few of the Love Monkey episodes) that she totally understands why I loved the show and that I am a total Tom Farrell.

Probably the nicest thing anyone has said about me all week! Admittedly, it may not have been intended as quite the compliment that I took from it. :-)

I was talking about it the other night with Andrea, and she agreed with this assessment.

I explained to Andrea that I originally believed there were some real differences (beyond the fact that my job is not as cool, and that I have ususally neither a Bran nor a Julia in my life most of the time!).

The difference I had in mind was kind of implicit in comparing the episode The Window and the episode Mything Persons, and specifically the women who were interested in Tom in those episodes (Indie rock critic Abby Powell played by Rosemarie DeWitt in the former, and physician/life saver Dana plated by Erin Daniels in the latter).

In the former case, Tom was not interested in a relationship because what he really wanted from her was a review for the Barbarian Brother's Hello Nurse album, and in the latter he was very interested in a relationship even though it turned out Dana was heading off to Angola (not the one in Louisiana, the one in Africa!).

I just had trouble seeing myself as being that unable to be flexible; for the longest time after I had seen The Window it didn't sit right with me that the character could realistically be so focused on something (in this case the job) that even when he is heavily flirting and seducing a woman with whom we had so much in common that he could not even realize his exact interest and could be so shocked that the other person was interested in him.

With multiple people claiming they saw a bit of me in the character, I took this pretty personally; I just didn't feel that obtuse.

Liz was the one who told me that I could be that obtuse -- in fact, that I had been that obtuse, and probably would be again some day. She told me it was in my nature....

I kind of realized that she was actually talking about herself -- I had for years been not seeing that she was interested in me, and that I really never saw it until after she was gone and it was too late to tell her I finally understood what she was telling me.

I wonder whether I should have given her more. You know, noticed.

The whole situation reminds me of the series finale for Angel (Not Fade Away), when the demon Illyria inhabited Fred's body but Wes said he didn't want to deal with the lie of her pretending she was Fred (as he pointed put "The first lesson a watcher learns is to separate truth from illusion. Because in the world of magics, it's the hardest thing to do"):

Illyria: [Wesley has been fatally stabbed] You'll be dead within moments.
Wes: I know.
Illyria: Would you like me to lie to you now?
Wes: Yes. Thank you, yes.
[Illyria morphs into Fred]
Wes: Hello there.
Illyria [as Fred]: Oh Wesley. My Wesley.
Wes: Fred, I've missed you.
Illyria [as Fred]: It's gonna be okay. It won't hurt much longer and then you'll be where I am.
[Begins crying]
Illyria [as Fred]: We'll be together.
Wes: I-I love you.
Illyria [as Fred]: I love you. My love. Oh, my love.

That last kiss I mentioned was kind of the same thing, in a way.

Though in saying this I self-consciously note that I am not as interesting as Alexis Denisof nor am I likely to be catching the eyes of either an Amy Acker (who played Fred) or an Alyson Hannign (his real life spouse).

The "Barbarian Brothers" song from their fictional album "Hello Nurse" that plays at the end of the episode? I do not know if that was a fake song that actor James Ransone just sang, or if it is a real song (if it is I want to buy it!). It hit me pretty hard.

It is in fact the song that plays in the mental montage I see when I close my eyes and think of the whole situation -- if not my biggest regret ever then certainly in the Rob Gorden-esque top five biggest regrets I have. I see the whole exchange in the airport as part of the montage at the end of the show -- just after we see Tom watching the band play and just before Jake is looking at the new apartment he is thinking about moving into with his boyfriend. Me kissing Liz goodbye at the airport and her shiver. All the sadder that I only have figured out 90% of the lyrics....

Okay, so maybe my friend had a point. Perhaps one can on occasion be so blind to what is right in front of us. And when I say "one" I mean "I" of course.

The title of this post is a bit from the song. As I said I think I have most of the lyrics figured out now but what I am hearing may not be not 100% right, being colored by what the song reminds me of so I'll probably keep it to myself for now. No one else ever hears lyrics anyway, if you know what I mean.

Sorry, folks. I expect to be past all of this, some day.


This post brought to you by(U+266b, aka BEAMED EIGHTH NOTES)

Dana on 16 Feb 2008 10:37 PM:

Why exactly aren't you dating Andrea again? Dude, she is so obviously your shot at happiness.

I tried to figure out those lyrics too, but they are pretty tough. Here's what I came up with:


There's a high{something} slowly waiting for the most unwilling patient
I'm so sorry for the person that I am, the stain that just won't come clean
It's cause I count{?} to make this real, cause I can't change the way I feel
and it seems I'm changing, for absolutely nothing will ever be the same as I was today.
And it polish{?} meant{?} {something} on my shoulders lies I've took come unfolded
I'm so sorry for the person that I am, the stain that just won't come clean
You're so beautiful, yeah the ignorant way you digest the pain that you feel, oh yeah, yeah


Feel free to add formatting to the parts I wasn't sure about!

Done! - Michael

Michael S. Kaplan on 17 Feb 2008 2:41 AM:

well, no comment on her being my shot at happiness, other to say that we did try that once upon a time....

Not bad on the words, you picked up most of them. But those last few are not gonna be easy!

Michael S. Kaplan on 17 Feb 2008 3:13 PM:

Hey Dana,

You have it pretty close though!

Michael S. Kaplan on 1 Mar 2008 6:33 PM:

You may have even been one of those people who asked if I could send them a recording of the song!

I heard you, if you were. I finally just went ahead and did it, creating three versions:

Quality isn't stellar even for the bigger ones since I didn't have a cable or anything else I would have needed to do a quality job, on this machine. But you can at least hear the song....

Love monkey fan on 9 Aug 2009 10:56 PM:

(1) There's a hospital bed slowly waiting for the most unwilling patient

(5) And the punishment falls on my shoulders

Michael S. Kaplan on 12 Aug 2009 7:25 PM:

Hey I like those -- awesome!

Love monkey fan on 3 Sep 2009 2:08 AM:

Also, it's "Call the cops to make this real"

Test on 4 Nov 2012 12:58 PM:


Martin on 6 Nov 2012 1:07 PM:

Hi, did you ever find out who made this song?

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