The truth is out there. By which I mean, it is not here....

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2007/11/03 10:01 -04:00, original URI:

Initial quote taken from Leonard Nimoy, The Springfield Files episode of The Simpsons and then I just sort of ran with it.

The following tale is true. 

And by true, I mean, false. 

It's all lies. 

But they're entertaining lies. 

And in the end, isn't that the real truth? 

The answer, is no.

Our story begins on a Wednesday evening, October 31st, in a little town called Redmond.

I was rushing out barreling away at 5mph in my scooter trying to get out of the building before I accidentally ran over any if the children there for the Halloween candy. As I am sure you can imagine, running over a person's child with a scooter is a real awkward dynamic to add to a professional relationship....

I had turned down an invite to a party already, jokingly saying I couldn't go because

but then I admitted it was mainly because I had no costume and didn't feel like breaking out the scrubs like I did last year.

Frankly, if I did not find the jokes like the one on that shirt funny, I'd probably get invited to better parties anyway!

I'm heading near the playing field, when something lands. It looks like the kind of thing some pirate would fly.

I wonder who it is, and where they are heading?

Suddenly a pirate pops out of the ship.

I have to ask her "Where is your sword?"

"No weapons allowed on the Microsoft campus, Scooter Boy!"

Scooter Boy?

Oh yeah, I forgot.

"Where are you heading to?" I ask, trying desperately to change the subject. "Looking for your prince who doesn't work here any more? Or his double?"

"No, I just outran an Imperial Star Destroyer trying to get here...

"and blew up the Death Star...

"And now I'd like a beer."

"Well, good luck with that!" I say cheerfully.

I need to get out of here before it gets any weirder.

Uh oh, too late.

Leonard Nimoy is back and he is unhappy that they won't let him into the party.

"I am not Spock," he says, "but the rule about weapons is not logical. It is an important part of my costume, which is as a Vulcan customer profile."

He does have many sticky notes on him with brilliant witticisms like "I use an online dating service every seven years" and "My tricorder runs Windows Mobile" and such.

But they still won't let him in.

The bouncers decide he isn't violent so he won't shoot anyone, but the answer is still no.

"Don't forget that I am Not Spock," he warns the bouncers, massaging the gun as they walk away, ignoring him.

Who will save this prince in distress?

His damsel in shining armor?

Princess Leia shot the bouncers. 

The bouncers are lying on the ground now.

It's not wise to upset a wookieprincess.

They never had a chance, Leia shot first.

Anyway, eventually we leave the party (Leia's stunt with the blaster made very quiet down), and we are heading past Building 35. Leia parts company with us, as she heard about an Indian costume on the fourth floor. She figures she can get some part time work enforcing the 'candy is only for the children' policy.

Why didn't I go along? Well there was a lingering rumor that the Indian was also a vampire and therefore I wouldn't be able to take a picture.

I start to recommend that she not shoot the Indian (the effect of Star Wars blasters on Indians can be inferred, but on vampires?) but I stop myself.

She seems trigger-happy enough to take me out, frankly.  And discretion may or may not be the better part of valor, but telling people with guns who to not shoot seems like the better part of getting shot....

I'll have to call over there tomorrow and find out how it went....

I turn to the pirate. "Can you give me a ride home? Traffic sucks getting out of campus on Halloween."

"Sure thing," she says. "You'll be home in moments once I make the jump to light speed."

I scoot up the ramp of that hunk of junk pirate ship

and shake my head at how stupid this blog post ended up being....


This post brought to you by (U+09a8, a.k.a. BENGALI LETTER NA, as in ননননন, নননন, hey hey hey, goodbye....) 

# John Cowan on 3 Nov 2007 1:43 PM:

I don't get the joke.  Is it MS-specific?

# Michael S. Kaplan on 3 Nov 2007 1:47 PM:

Because having Leonard Nimoy, a pirate without her sword, and Princess Leia with a blaster is common at your halloween parties? :-)

Gene on 5 Nov 2007 7:25 PM:

"My tricorder runs Windows Mobile"

You owe me a clean keyboard w/o Pepsi snorted all over it!

As long as it's not a Palm product... Kirk and Spock would probably not have lasted through the first episode...

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referenced by

2007/11/03 Funny, she doesn't look Italian

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