I am 20 out of 21 and flexible on the capital punishment issue

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2007/10/28 03:01 -04:00, original URI: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/michkap/archive/2007/10/28/5730199.aspx

This post originally was part of a very different blog which (thankfully) no longer exists and could be best described as a rawer version of SiaO -- a fledging blogger's first effort at transformation. It has been reposted here for essentially no good reason whatsoever. I have no excuse yet still make no apologies....

My latest task is to try and make myself more attractive to Canadian singer/songwriter Alanis Morissette.

It is not that I am undeniably attracted to her in a conventional sense (I have to admit that I am not).

And it is not that she falls under the "angry singer/songwriter" category that so many believe I fancy.

To be completely honest, the principal appeal is that she has explicitly listed out what she is looking for from a man, and I think I can meet a lot of the "qualities that she prefers".

So often men wonder what women want, and (ignoring trite Gibson/Hunt comedies) so seldom do we get to find out -- it's quite amazing to have qualities listed explicitly this way.

The time savings alone makes this a worthwhile consideration!

The song (for those who do not memorize song lyrics such as I do) goes like this:

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
à la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
are you not addicted?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

...curious and communicative...

By my count (depending on how you number them), I have somewhere between 19 and 20 of these items (I say 20, a friend of mine says 19). And I have frankly been wavering on the capital punishment issue for a few years now and am very willing to be flexible here.

Now if you consider the fact that her engagement to Ryan Reynolds is over and then ignore the fact that the odds of her ever even talking to me are close enough to nil as to make a lottery win seem certain, I may have a shot, right? :-)

Well, actually, I don't. I recall an interview (sometime after the above was written) where she claimed that she actually had more like 673 things she was looking for, and that the actual list was updated after each relationship. So this idealized view of making relationships easier by having if not the needs at least the qualities that a woman might prefer is tragically not available, for her or anyone else.

Even that movie What Women Want is a superficial take on things that would have been better titled What Women Think since that what the premise actually provided. And while it succeeded in making Mel Gibson's character less of a prick, it still proved to ultimately be worse rather than better for relationships as a permanent gift. It was a t best a parlor trick that made seductionin one-night-stands easier.

What we learn is that even if a man could magically know what a woman was thinking it may provide nothing in the way of explaining what that woman might want. Because how often is anyone (mn or woman) literally thinking specifically about what they want in anything but the most superficial circcumstances?

I guess that means I'll have to sort it all out the hard way?

Something that has gone so well for me, to date1. :-)


1 - Sarcasm implied.


This post brought to you by (U+2cfa, a.k.a. COPTIC OLD NUBIAN DIRECT QUESTION MARK)

bg on 28 Oct 2007 5:05 AM:

are you sure she's looking for a man?

you might have a couple of bits n bobs more than she would like!


Michael S. Kaplan on 28 Oct 2007 5:57 AM:

Well, her Ex was a guy, so I assume I might not be ruled out entirely in this case. :-)

Henry Boehlert on 28 Oct 2007 6:55 AM:

Loud and pretentious, that's what it is.

Reminds me of job descriptions. Uttering requirements is more self-advertising than everything else.

Great to see there's a Unicode character for everything.

Michael S. Kaplan on 28 Oct 2007 3:28 PM:

Well, of course they are not requirements, or even needs really. More the "nice to have" qualities of the job. :-)

John Cowan on 28 Oct 2007 11:11 PM:

There's only one basic requirement: not being a toad.  Only about 1% or less of men meet this requirement.

However, women massively disagree on which 1% that is.  Which is a good thing for us toads^H^H^H^H^Hmen.

referenced by

2008/07/13 Developers are really not generally ones for spontanenous make-out sessions (aka Code jocks can talk themselves out of anything)

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