I'm not screaming though it seems I may be the only one...

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2007/10/23 09:31 -04:00, original URI: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/michkap/archive/2007/10/23/5615433.aspx

This is one of those multiple sclerosis posts that you probably should just skip. Seriously, I mean it -- I'd skip it if I didn't have to stay and write it!

Someone I know had gotten a link in the mail about multiple sclerosis and they sent it to me asking how I felt about it. This happens way too often, believe me.

The link is Who will I be? and the picture is this one:

It's interesting, the post had been up for months with just three comments, then yesterday dozens of comments were added (I guess a lot of people are on the same mailing list as my friend?).

The picture seems a bit depressing to me, and definitely not how I think about MS.

About the whole multiple sclerosis thing....

I act like it doesn't bother me. But mostly it is only true since I don't think about it much. Even when I get mail with links like that.

When I do think about it, then I have to admit it bothers me some.

I'll show you what I mean....

That picture? It kind of pales compared to the comments -- there are some real hard stories there, and although I feel like I have been through a lot this kind of thing makes me realize I have somehow manged to avoid the worst of it.

Frankly, it's the reason I stopped going to MS Society meetings.

Because I hated feeling bad since I didn't feel worse, you know?

And I didn't feel like my bad stories were quite bad enough, and I certainly wasn't going to make stories up.

On the other hand, I have essentially changed careers six or seven times before settling where I ended up and most of those changes were avoiding MS symptoms that made it look like I'd end up on SSDI if I didn't change careers under the argument that I couldn't be gainfully employed....

Lots of people who have a harder time here, are people who couldn't find something else to do, or who never had the chance to do so?

They aren't that far away from me, I guess. There but for the grace of, yada yada yada.

I might just be in denial.

If I don't think I am in denial, have I proved my point that I and in denial by denying it?

If I had a dime for everyone I wanted to throw something heavy at after they watched the West Wing episodes where they talked about having to play chess with Jed Bartlett given the cognitive MS symptoms....

Made me want to rethink the wisdom of such a visible MS presence on television, when I was having to reassure people that they didn't have to start playing chess with me!

By the way, did you notice how many of the comments in that post with the picture talked about how God/god fit in here?

Well, I kind of covered how I feel about that in Quando Dio vuole castigarci ci manda quello che desideriamo. I don't think that a divine presence has time for Holland's parking spaces or for my medical condition. This is all just life and what it brings to the mix.

Mildly on-topic, there was a Giving Campaign event in our building today -- a miniature golf tournament, spread throughout the building.

Really spread in all the hallways -- I barely made it my office and I wouldn't have made it if I had the big scooter today.

I left after the first time I had to go the bathroom -- being that boxed in is just very un-fun, and it's unfair to tell people they can't have a nice event that they are enjoying....

I'd worry about the fire hazard and trying to get out of the building, but in truth I'd be semi-screwed if I were on my own then anyway since I can't take the scooter down the elevator in an emergency and it's not like I can take on the stairs. This is why I stay home on fire drill days....

Anyway, you see what happens when I start thinking about it.

You just witnessed a whole little thing that happened to me, right on the spot as I was writing the above.

And my outlook is much more hopeful than all that, really.

If you did read this post then I'm really sorry, it is kind of a waste, and just ends without any


This post brought to you by 𝌽 (U+1d33d, a.k.a. TETRAGRAM FOR CLOSED MOUTH)

Ian on 23 Oct 2007 7:17 PM:

"a miniature gold tournament", should that be golf? I had to read it a few times before I got it.

Michael S. Kaplan on 23 Oct 2007 9:22 PM:

Yep, that shoulda been golf. Oops!

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