Fighting an astronaut -- so easy even a caveman could do it!

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2007/08/16 02:56 -04:00, original URI: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/michkap/archive/2007/08/15/4409736.aspx

So I found myself talking (well, e-mailing) with an old friend last night from way back when.

Always an interesting experience, in this case because of the reason (she wanted to know which episode of the TV show Angel had the big argument about Cavemen and Astronauts),

Since we aren't dating and never have been, I don't care too much about which is worse (that she assumed I would know this sort of thing, or that I actually did know it?).

They both seem kind of lame in how they make me look. But there is no pressure to not look bad so I can embrace this secret shame. :-)

The transcript of the most important part of the episode (Hole in the World) is something like this:

Spike: It's bollocks, Angel! It's your brand of bollocks from the first to last.
Angel: No, you can't ever see the big picture. You can't see any picture!
Spike: I am talking about something primal. Right? Savagery. Brutal animal instinct.
Angel: And that wins out every time with you. You know, the human race has evolved, Spike!
Spike: Oh, into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analyzing wankers who could never hope to---
Angel: We're bigger. We're smarter. Plus, there's a thing called teamwork, not to mention the superstitious terror of your pure aggressors!
Spike: You just want it to be the way you want it to be.
Angel: IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT!
<<<Wesley walks in>>>
Wesley: Sorry. Is this something we should all be discussing?
<<<Angel looks embarrassed>>>
Angel: No.
Wesley: It just... sounds a little serious.
Angel: It was mostly... theoretical. We...
Spike: We were just working out a b--- Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?
<<<Spike crosses his arms and looks expectantly at Wesley>>>
Wesley: Ah. You've been yelling at each other for 40 minutes about this?
<<<Angel and Spike both look embarrassed. Wesley thinks about the issue>>>
Wesley: Do the astronauts have weapons?
Angel & Spike: NO.
.....
<<<later>>>
.....
Spike: Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good.
Spike: Oh, and, by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts don't stand a chance against cavemen, so don't even start.
.....
<<<later>>>
.....
Fred: But that doesn't make any sense.
Lorne: I just call it like I see it.
Fred: But the cavemen have fire. That's what they live with in their caves. The astronauts should at least have some sort of weapon.

Now reportedly, this little subplot came after a huge discussion/argument between the writers about the very issue.

I started asking people in the building what they thought of the issue and found a huge amount of diversity in responses. People were very creative!

(Note that this was an informal poll and although I'm convinced someone could study this further if they wanted to, I'm not going to publish any data or a study myself. Think of this as a preliminary report on results....

Now most of the opinions were divided on particular lines:

Like by discipline:

• developers were much more likely to pick astronauts and root for them;
• testers were more likely to pick cavemen and root for them;
• program managers were more likely to pick one and root for the other (there is some kind of karmic balance in rooting for the underdog, right?)

Or by seniority (people asked spanned the gamut from IC to lead to manager to director to general manager), and the higher people were in the org correlating well with asking fewer clarifying questions before stating their opinion (but then asking plenty afterward, sometimes changing their mind based on answers sometimes not).

Is that a sign of a strong manager that they always are willing to make a decision and are also willing to change their decision based on circumstances? Maybe. :-)

But the funniest comments were really in the clarifying questions, like

• Is the fight set in space?
• Is the fight on Earth or some other world?
• Who has the "home court" advantage? 
• Do the astronauts have weapons?
• Are the cavemen Homo sapiens or Neanderthals -- where on the spectrum are they?
• Are the astronauts wearing their gear [which could either scare the cavemen, or perhaps protect the astronauts!]?
• Are we talking GEICO cavemen, or real cavemen?
• Is it a 1-on-1 match or is it groups of each?
• Are these astronauts from the 60's and 70's, or ones like from the recent scandals?
• Are the astronauts mission specialists [who would presumably get their asses kicked] or pilots [who could probably hold their own]?

And some of the really funny answers:

• The astronauts will  cough on them and they will at least take out the cavemen in a week or two regardless or the outcome in the thunderdome.
• The cavemen’s smell will overpower the astronauts and all spectators in the first four rows before the fight even begins.
• Does GEICO sell life insurance, now? [like maybe this is a new pitch and the GEICO cavemen might need insurance]
• With n astronauts and n cavemen, I like the astronauts’ chance as n increases (planning, teamwork, etc).  I think 2 cavemen have a good shot at beating 2 astronauts though…
• Would they be in a small, flat arena floor (and thus forced into immediate combat) or a larger, sprawling area of diverse terrain?  In other words, will the astronauts have time to scrounge the raw materials to make a small cannon?
• If you can fly a space shuttle drunk, you can go for a round or two of fisticuffs with some cavemen.
• Depends on the age of the astronauts [sent along with a promotional picture from the movie Space Cowboys].
• What if you have both? [sent along with a picture Homer Simpson in an astronaut's costume with a NASA logo on it]

Of course the whole GEICO cavemen thing adds a weird dimension to it -- everyone who considered the idea decided that these more evolved, wimpy cavemen would definitely lose. It is depressing to think that part of evolution is starting to lose fights, but maybe that's what we are dealing with here (even more depressing when you think about the new TV show coming based on those commercials!).

One of the conclusions several people made were that this might even make a decent interview question if you add to it (after they answer) that they should explain why they answered as they did.

I am on the fence about the status as an interview question, though it might be okay during a lunch interview.

Of the many people I asked, there were a few who really got into it, most people had some fun with it (the question was especially fun in groups!), but there were a few who just never really got comfortable with it. Given those latter folk and the fact that the whole notion of cavemen is widely believed to be historically inaccurate, perhaps this wouldn't be so great as an interview question (or one should have a backup in case it bombs).

Anyway, does anyone out there have any particular opinions on the matter? Astronauts vs. Cavemen -- who do you think would win?

The follow-up question was easier for people and was a side effect of a question related to the size of the people fighting. It was basically a competition between midgets and supermodels. The concensus was that the midgets would wipe the floor with the supermodels (unless Tyra Banks was one of them, in which case the supermodels would win.

This post brought to you by ⽳ (U+2f73, a.k.a. KANGXI RADICAL CAVE)

Rosyna on 16 Aug 2007 4:22 AM:

Kemp on 16 Aug 2007 7:30 AM:

Gene on 16 Aug 2007 11:33 AM:

Maurits [MSFT] on 16 Aug 2007 11:51 AM:

Wayne Steele on 16 Aug 2007 1:58 PM:

Marc on 17 Aug 2007 4:28 AM:

Cheong on 17 Aug 2007 11:01 PM:

go to newer or older post, or back to index or month or day