Not for use on unexplained calf pain

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2006/10/14 03:07 -04:00, original URI:

Back in the beginning of August when I was talking about how Google doesn't seem to get blogs, at the end of the post I talked about the phrase

not for use on unexplained calf pain.

I even hypothesized that the article might throw off the balance of the search in Google a bit, since all of the posts have the disclaimer but that was the only post that had it in the main body as well.

As it turns out, I was completely wrong:

Not only is the count higher (31,500 up from 24,100 after adding fewer than 150 posts!), but the post that has more mention of it did not get top billing. It seems to be picking the representative post at random!

In fact if I repeat the search to look at the omitted results, it goes down to 31,200. And that post is like 30th on the list, and the search craps out at 1000, while still claiming there are 31,200 entries.

The original inspiration for the phrase came from a colleague on the Access team from about eight years ago, reinforced years later by an article in The Wake Student Magazine (Wikipedia article here) that Kim Mann wrote that I wish was still available because it was so damn funny. The site unfortunately seems to get updated periodically and older articles just don't always make the migration, which is a shame in my opinion. The only part of Kim's piece that I still have is a bit I quoted at one point for something else that put an amusing spin on the whole deep vein thrombosis thing (mention of 'toys' removed, if you know what I mean):

And what about this 'unexplained' business?   If it's calf pain I've speculated about, and that I've made vague guesses as to the origin of, is that enough to explain the pain, or is that completely unacceptable?   Someone should really write an instruction manual to....explain what unexplained calf pain really is.   But then I guess it would be explained calf pain.

Anyway, I think I have salted the clouds enough. Maybe this post, which includes a link to the original post and has the phrase in the title, will do better here and start coming up as more relevant. My efforts might make their search work a little bit better, since when it comes to blogs they seem to need a little bit of special help.

Google can send me royalty checks for improvements to their search efforts at their convenience. :-)

Now in any case, as my disclaimer indicates, it is inappropriate to use this blog for unexplained calf pain. As would be putting my blog on any part of your body, actually (whether printing it out first or using the monitor directly). I can think of no therapeutic value whatsoever, and I'd just as soon rather not know about it if such a thing is going on....


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# matt gill on 15 Nov 2006 5:54 AM:

On the way to the porn store,  I told my girlfriend my leg.  I grabbed my calf to show her where and to soothe it.  When we got home she read the warning to me, printed on a little gold sticker on the battery cover.  "...Not for use on unexplained calf pain."  This prompted me to google "unexplained calf pain," where I've learned I might have DVT.  Thanks for the blog.

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