by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2006/01/07 23:31 -05:00, original URI: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/michkap/archive/2006/01/07/510513.aspx
(Nothing technical in this post)
There was a movie I was thinking about yesterday called At First Sight. It starred Val Kilmer and Mira Sorvino. Val plays Virgil, a blind man who has an operation to try to regain his sight. I had trouble (when I first saw the movie years ago) believing that someone who was blind would look at the blindness as an actual feature, as something that is a protection that is good to have.
However, after two infusions of Novantrone, when I have lost many of my intermittent symptoms, I find myself missing some of them.
I mean, I missed that whole pain sensation thing and it was great to get it back, sure. But I didn't miss feeling the needle when they did the second infusion -- that hurt!
And I missed temperature sensation and loved that I could feel hot and cold again. But it's not summer right now and it would be nice not to feel it when I go out to get the mail or going to work.
Another factor: there was a rerun of House on last week (episode name: TB or not TB) that I just got around to watching (I missed it the first time around).
There was a scene at the end that kind of resonated with me, it went something like this:
House: Everybody does it. We are who people think we are. People think he’s a great doctor so they give him stuff.
Cameron: He is a great doctor.
House: The reality is irrelevant. {House looks into the clinic and sees Cecelia sitting there.} I’ll prove it. People who know me see me as an ass, treat me as an ass. People who don’t know me see a cripple, treat me as a cripple. What kind of selfish jerk wouldn’t take advantage of that fact? {He enters the clinic, and walks by Cecelia, deliberately pressing his cane on her boot and putting his weight on it.}
Cecelia: Ow!
House: Oh, my goodness, are you okay?
Cecelia: Yeah. {Cuddy comes to her door.}
House: {exaggerated, toward Cuddy -- who he owed an apology from earlier} I am so sorry. It was completely my fault.
Cecelia: It’s nothing, I’m fine.
House: Well, I’m very relieved, I feel terrible.
Cecelia: Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.
House: You sure? Okay. {They shake hands. Cuddy and House make faces at each other. As House leaves, Cuddy walks through her office door to Cecelia.}
Cuddy: How’s everything?
Cecelia: I’m gonna go. My foot is killing me.
Cuddy: Oh, what did you do?
Cecelia: It was nothing, it was all my fault. {She leaves.}
Now I have not ever done anything like that intentionally (well, some people would say I am ass and they would also say it is intentional; I was talking about the cripple thing, and his little experiment).
I have done such things unintentionally, both with the cane and more recently with the scooter (in the case of the scooter it is usually somebody bumping into it while I am not moving). But there are a frightening number of times that it plays out just like it did in Dr. House's little experiment, with someone else claiming full responsibility for something, even if it was in no way their fault.
It is depressing to think that what House said is true -- that people who don't know me would see me as a cripple. But I can't deny that is usually seems to be the case.
I definitely don't want to take advantage of my MS -- either the symptoms or the perceptions that others have. But even if I am not trying to do so, I guess I am. Just by not being insistent on not being given special treatment (which people would look at in an even worse way, whether they knew me or not -- the appearance of being a bitter cripple would hardly be an improvement).
I was in the hospital overnight not too long ago, and I didn't end up calling someone who I was supposed to be calling that night (before i ended up in the hospital, I mean). I did call when i got out, and felt bad about it. I found myself resenting for a moment the fact that they assumed that I had ended up in the hospital. Even moreso because it was true, which is obviously a dumb reason to be mad about the fact that someone else was not mad because they correctly guessed at what had happened. I get dizzy trying to untangle how I should feel about that kind of situation....
I mean. how can any person get carried up two flights of stairs to watch a show and hang out with the performers after not feel like they are taking advantage? Although the one thing I do love (now that I think about it) is that of all the singer/songwriters I have met over the last few years, there is not a single one who ever treated me the way strangers do. As a group they have disproven Dr. House's theory and been just truly friendly people. I haven't fully analyzed that and probably won't since I think it's nice just to let it happen, but it is pretty cool.
Anyway, to the people who know me, definitely keep doing what you are doing and don't treat me any differently. I need you folks to make up for the people I don't know who aren't singer/songwriter types!
UNRELATED BONUS ASIDE: I have come up with a surefire way to make sure a television show gets killed off -- I just have to start trying to watch it live when it is on (this has now happened with both Threshold and Medical investigation). I suppose some folks in Hollywood could pay me to not watch their shows, or maybe to watch their competitors' shows instead? :-)
# theday on 10 Jan 2006 11:39 AM: